28.03.13

It’s weird that one day we won’t exist. The things we wanted to try but were too scared to face end up as wasted contemplations. Our brains won’t tick anymore and our thoughts won’t wander. When I was 5 they told me to colour between the lines. They told me i wasn’t neat enough and the colours didn’t match. Stay between the lines they said, stay in line. I don’t want to be scared anymore. I want to colour outside the lines. I’m still a child inside; I’m still afraid and comfortable. And whenever I go to sleep I think how the ocean will always kiss the shore and the sun will always rise. But we won’t always rise with it.  and so I wake at 4am with my eyes on the door and a map under my pillow. Because one day I’ll finally escape from myself and maybe you’ll come with me. I’ll write to my minds content and you’ll smile at me under the moonlight; my heart will melt. I can read your thoughts.

Once we leave, we’ll leave again, and after that we’ll never stop leaving

mountain air

And I went to sleep that night dreaming of mountains. How I never had mountains. Just buildings and streets and rows of houses corner after corner. Roundabouts and the same old faces. I’m grateful for the love I’ve had here but my heart needs to grow a little stronger and my mind needs to rest. The mountains reach higher than the clouds and I want to climb up and place myself peacefully on the edge. The white silence and the cleanest air. My thoughts here are cluttered but up there I’ll be bare. i’ll be free.

back

So the last time i posted on here i was working through the third year of university and here i am having graduated with a first class honours degree. So all the hard work did pay off. I kept saying how much i wanted to quit and how it felt as though i was wasting an additional three years of my life in education for nothing but nahhh, i'm glad i stuck it out. and so now i'm like a grown up or something?

um since that last post i started a magazine, got an office and then gave up. I had my exhibition and i moved out of my uni house. i moved to stalbans in a flat with sean and gave up looking for a better job. still working in a hatfield care home. i made my hair blonde and i made good times with friends and family. i stopped caring about my weight and let myself go a little. i got a tattoo and then i got another one. i camped in cornwall a bit and travelled around in a motorhome. i read a lot of books and i went here and there. i watched my cousin jump out of a plane. i got into vintage shopping and i tried to learn to cook. i wrote 20,000 words of my book and  then decided to have a long break. i saw bon iver live and then i graduated and now im here and i guess im feeling a tiny bit lost. but im ok. 

here's fifty six photos from my phone taken over the past few months. just some of many. 

WORKAHOLIC

Just a few instagram photos I've taken over the past few days or so. A few months back I bought a new portfolio and I'm so happy with it, I'm getting it engraved this week and I've just recently printed lots of new photos so it's looking all pretty! I'll post a blog next week with more on that. (You can see above one of the prints and my new business cards!) 

Right now I'm working on a business plan and lots of research, along with my final exhibition piece (which involves the 4.20am train to Brighton! - ah) But I'm excited to see how it all turns out in the end. I'm a workaholic so at the same time as being stressed I'm actually rather happy. When this is all over I can't wait to get back out there, shoot lots, travel lots and work hard on the magazine. Excited. 

JA

x

YASMIN RYAN

A few more to come from this series that I'm yet to edit. These are from a shoot with an amazing designer Tasmin Blint. These clothes she designed are gorgeous! It was a small team of us and we worked really well together to get the photos we wanted. There's some more I'll be blogging either later today or tomorrow afternoon, so keep an eye out. For now here are a few behind the scene photos!

More soon :)